Holiday compositionBefore you jump to conclusions about the title of this article, consider that a new relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that you will leave your existing relationship behind.

You could develop a new relationship with your current partner or you could create a new relationship with yourself. On the other hand, if you are single, you may have a desire to find a new partner in 2013. No matter what meaning you assign to creating a new relationship in the New Year, the place to start is with yourself and your story.

People, who carry their story around with them and present themselves to potential new partners as a victim, attract unhealthy, insecure, needy, wounded people. Not a good recipe for a great relationship. Within an existing relationship, an old story can cause a partnership to stagnate and die.

What is your story? You know, the one you have been telling for years about you and relationships. Such as, “partners always abandon me, cheat on me and lie to me, blah, blah, blah. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of sympathy for people whose hearts have been broken. I’ve been there; it’s a very painful, gut wrenching experience. However, we must put the past to rest if we are to have any hope of a happy future.

If you are ready to make some relationship changes, it’s time to rid yourself of your story once and for all! Who would you be without your story? If you packed your story up in a box and buried it in the back yard or put it in an envelope and mailed it to Bora Bora or burned it in the fireplace, who would you be?

How would you describe yourself if you could not use any of your past ideas about relationships or yourself as a way to measure who you are today or what your future relationships will be like? Whether you are creating a better relationship with your current partner or looking to start a relationship with someone new, take some time to say goodbye to your old story and begin telling a story about yourself in which you are no longer a victim, but a happy, open-minded, potentially awesome partner.

Are you in a relationship?  What stories about yourself and your partner are you willing to stop telling in order to improve your current relationship? Notice what you say to yourself and others about your partner. Even if those statements were true in the past, can you open your mind to allow the possibility for them to be different in the future? You must be able to open your mind enough to allow new possibilities within your existing relationship, or nothing will change.

Are you single and still feeling wounded by your Ex?  You may need to postpone dating until you no longer see yourself in the role of victim.  Use a journal as your dumping ground.  Spill your thoughts and feelings about the last break-up onto the pages of your journal.  This simple exercise gets the “trash” out of your heart and mind.  It could take several days, weeks or months of writing to finally clear the victim mindset, but it will be well worth your time.

When you have cleared the emotional trash you can begin to craft a new story for yourself. Begin by looking for clues about yourself that you learned while in the relationship as well as what you have learned about yourself as a result of the break-up. Practice your new story every day at least twice a day until the new story comes easily to your lips and the old story is no more than a faded memory.

Wishing you love and happiness in the New Year!

 

 

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