Are You Ignoring An Open Window?

by Linda Thurwanger on June 9, 2015

in BLOG, Divorce Support

Trying harder is not always the answer.

Have you ever watched a flying insect, trapped inside your car, as it tried to escape through the windshield or the rear window?   Maybe you  rolled the side windows down, so all the bug had to do was move over a few inches and easily fly to freedom through the open window.  Instead, its wings buzzed frantically as it crashed into the glass over and over again.  No matter how hard it tried to fly through the closed glass, it was impossible for it to succeed.  If the insect never finds that open window, it could die.

In what area of your life are you beating your head against an immovable wall, glass or otherwise?  Are you trying to convert your alcoholic spouse into someone who doesn’t drink any more?  Do you try over and over again to get approval from a critical boss, co-worker, spouse, friend or parent?   Do you stay in an unfulfilling, loveless marriage even though you are miserable?  Do you continue to cater to adult children who are disrespectful and unloving toward you because you don’t want to be alone?

More often than not, all we need to do is take a step or two away from the situation to see that we do have other options.  When you take that objective look at your situation, ask yourself these questions:  What am I avoiding or denying?  How is the approach I currently take, working for me?  What could I do differently?  Have I become complacent?  Do I tolerate things as they are because it is less scary than trying to implement a change?  What have the people who care about me, been urging me to do?  What do I really want?

Just like the insect who doesn’t see the option for freedom in the open window that is only inches away, we are often trapped by our own fear about what would happen if we made a change.  Many of those fears are based on assumptions that have not been tested.  Much like that insect, we may be killing ourselves; spiritually, emotionally or even physically by continuing to take the same ineffective approach to or our problems.

Which open windows are you refusing to see?  What would you do if you were not afraid?



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